


Parallel Lines Meeting

by stellahibernis



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Being Happy for Each Other, Friends to Lovers, Future Fic, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other characters in minor roles - Freeform, Post-Canon, and later happy together, background Bucky/others, let’s just assume everyone came back from dead, navigating friendship with other relationships, references to past relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 03:12:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16297115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellahibernis/pseuds/stellahibernis
Summary: It’s been almost two decades since he first woke up in the future, and Steve’s life has finally settled down. They got everyone back after the incident with the Infinity Stones, and now the Avengers are well established with Steve in the lead. He and Bucky came back to America, share an apartment at the Avengers compound, and have figured out how their friendship works in the new age.It's a constant joy for Steve to see Bucky finally comfortable in his skin, breaking out of his shell and meeting people, even having a string of relationships much as he used to before the war. Steve on the other hand has had a few serious attempts at romance over the past decade, but no one has stuck, and recently he hasn’t even been trying, content with his work, sharing his days with Bucky, and the regular company of his other friends.Now if he only could stop pining after Bucky it all would be perfect.





	Parallel Lines Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> This was a funny writing process, the concept in my head was very simple, and yet it shifted while I was writing, probably for the better. It was fun to work out how this sort of non-dramatic pining would work, and how they would balance the friendship between them with everything else, including outside relationship.

“I’m going,” Bucky calls out as he emerges from his room.

Steve breaks out in a smile when he turns to look at him over the back of the couch. Bucky is casually put together in that slightly infuriating way that looks effortless but is so hard to manage, not to mention he’s relaxed and smiling. It gives joy to Steve every time to see Bucky so comfortable in his skin after everything he’s been through.

“Have fun on your date,” Steve says and reaches out when Bucky comes to bump his fist, a gesture they’ve adopted despite numerous people having told them that now at way past hundred they’re definitely too old for it.

“Undoubtedly. Don’t wait up.”

Bucky heads for the door and Steve’s gaze follows him for several seconds before he turns back to the movie, still smiling. He’s happy to see Bucky so comfortably fitting in this time, making a space for himself in the world once more, with a balance between working as an Avenger and other aspects of life. Steve himself has finally settled too, has found ease in both work and personal life, and he’s content most of the time. It’s about time too, he thinks, they’re owed as much by the universe. For long years after the war started they scrambled to stay above the current, and yet couldn’t do so at times. There have been moments when they’ve known it was the end, certain that there would be nothing more. Somehow, they always came back, and while neither of them is naive enough to think the current peace can never be broken, they’re at least finally in a good place.

Steve reaches for his beer and sinks deeper into the corner of the couch. Nat and Sam are curled at the other end, and Wanda is sitting in the middle. The four of them keep meeting regularly for a dinner or a movie or just to talk, the closeness they gained during the years spent fugitive before everything with Thanos happened is still pulling them together. They’re older, more experienced and changed with everything that has happened, but the core of their friendship is unbreakable. Sometimes Bucky hangs out with them too, sometimes not. Today they’re watching yet another Star Wars movie, not the best in the series in Steve’s opinion but perfectly enjoyable.

“Maybe you should follow his example,” Natasha says when the end credits roll, looking at Steve pointedly as if he should know what she’s talking about, because none of the actions of the characters seemed appropriate for him.

“Barnes,” Sam adds, again demonstrating how he and Natasha after years together seem to have developed a brain connection.

“Getting back to dating,” Natasha continues, and Steve wants to groan, because it’s a topic that regularly pops up.

“It’s been a while for you.” Wanda gets in on it too, and Steve feels a bit like he’s being ganged up on. It’s annoying, but not that bad really, since he’s by now arrived in a place in his life where he’s not self-conscious about the topic anymore.

“I don’t think it’s for me,” he says, deciding for once not to dodge, with hopes that they might drop it after some explanation.

“What do you mean, not for you? You’ve been on plenty of dates and had relationships,” Sam points out.

“Yeah,” Steve agrees, continuing, “but as time has passed, it just feels less and less important. I’m happy with my life as it is. Quite honestly, I’m happier like this than I’ve been during my last few tries for a relationships, so it’s not exactly an incentive to try again.”

His friends let it go to Steve’s surprise, and soon after they head home. Steve puts away the beer bottles to be recycled, puts the dishes into the washer, and takes a long shower before dropping into the bed. The discussion lingers in his mind, for whatever reason, and he thinks back to the romances he’s had, the ones that meant more as well as the more casual ones. He hadn’t lied about the last few ones, they had felt like too much of an effort even though he likes doing things for the people he cares about. After doing some thinking he’d realized that while all of them had been perfectly wonderful people, he’d been in it for wrong reasons; he’d tried because it’s expected to aim for a relationship rather than being without. It probably wasn’t fair to the other people, and he really is happier now that he’s not forcing himself to look for someone just for the sake of it. He’s decided now that if he ever gets together with someone it’ll be because he really wants to, not because of outside expectations.

Sometimes he thinks he may have lost his chance to find someone who really sticks, and that even though he’s settled into the time that he still in his head thinks of as the future he remains just a bit of an outsider, because all the deeper personal connections he has were made during the early years after he was thawed or even before the war in Bucky’s case. It’s more difficult to connect with the new people he meets, and it’s been years since he had a romance that lasted beyond a few dates. For a couple of years he’d been happy with Bernie Rosenthal, a no-nonsense lawyer by day, but laughing and imaginative in private. There had been Arnie that Sam set him up with after he came out as a bisexual, and that relationship had lasted for more than a year. There had been Sharon, his first real attempt for a relationship since he came to future. They suited each other to a degree, but there had been too much tangential baggage, and they’d ended it with a frustrated acknowledgment that neither one of them could ignore their unusual connection for all that they otherwise made it work. They’re still very good friends.

There was Peggy, and while they never properly got together because of the war and the agreement to wait until it was over, she is still the only person Steve has ever dared to imagine spending the rest of his life with, and he wonders if the way they were parted is still discouraging his subconsciousness from those kinds of dreams. She’s been gone for more than a decade now, but Steve is forever grateful to have known her, to have found her again and forged their relationship into a new shape that suited them after his slumber in ice. There are no regrets when it comes to her, only toward the circumstances.

He reminisces in his bed, warmly cocooned but unable to sleep until he hears the door and Bucky’s familiar quiet steps in the hall. Only then he turns around and allows himself to drift off.

***

The next morning Steve lingers in bed rather than getting up immediately as he usually does. It’s quiet in the apartment, Bucky is probably still asleep, and Steve takes the time to mull things over in his head, just thinking. He’s content, the way he has been for a while now, and even the conclusion that this might be it for him, having his friends and work but no romance is settling in, and it doesn’t bother him. He wonders if in time he’ll start seeking out one night stands, something he’s never done so far. He’s never been interested in casual sex, but it might be different if he completely stops looking for a relationship. So far he doesn’t feel any urges to do so, but there’s plenty of time ahead.

He’s content, but he also knows that it would be easier to have it tip into true happiness if he managed to stop pining for Bucky.

It’s not a new thing for him, he’s had feelings for Bucky ever since his teens, and neither time nor other relationships have managed to completely banish them. Sometimes, when he’s truly cared for other people, he’s managed to let go of them for a time, but they have always come back afterward, and by now he suspects it’s a permanent condition for him to be in love with Bucky, just the intensity of it varies. It’s not really a complication for him personally or in their friendship, he doesn’t mind that Bucky is going out with other people and only ever looks at him as a friend. It’s just something that resides in his heart, his love for Bucky that’s more multifaceted than he so far has openly acknowledged.

If he were to talk about it with someone, Steve imagines one of the first questions he would be asked would be how long has it been going on, and it’s a question he has no answer to. His instinct is to say forever, it feels like that even though he knows it’s not true. He knows there was a time when his friendship with Bucky was simple, not colored by the thread of want that’s sometimes tinged with desperation, by an indescribable ache and pull, just at the edge of his consciousness. He just looked at Bucky one day when he was sixteen and knew that the feeling had been a part of him for some time already.

He never said a word about it, but not because he was afraid. He had seen Bucky being kind toward girls who confessed liking him even when he didn’t reciprocate the feeling, and they both knew their fair share of people who didn’t love or exist the way they should have according to society. Toward them Bucky was always loyal, always protective. Steve knows a lot of people would say that it makes sense, considering he identifies as gay these days even though he never acted on it before the war, but he doesn’t think their reasoning is correct. Bucky’s actions had nothing to do with who Bucky liked, just the person he was and still is, kind and just all around. Steve never revealed his feelings because there never was hope that they’d be reciprocated, and he didn’t want to put the burden of knowledge on Bucky when he was quite honestly perfectly happy in their friendship.

There was a moment, once, when they were just past twenty, on a summer night when they’d had a few drinks and were sitting on a fire escape. Bucky had looked at him then, for just a few seconds, heart seemingly overflowing, and Steve’s traitorous mind had whispered, what if. What if it wasn’t just him hiding his feelings? Only Bucky had looked away, taken a drink and continued his light chatter, and ever since then Steve has been mostly sure he imagined it, that it was wishful thinking. He wishes he could be completely sure.

After that they’ve been in and out of relationships, Bucky more so than Steve. Back before the war it was expected of a young man to take girls out to dance, which Bucky regularly did. He later admitted to Steve the dancing was the part he enjoyed the most, and that he always chose girls who’d be happy to find him a perfect gentleman that wouldn’t push them for intimacy. Since he’s been freed from Hydra Bucky’s mostly gravitated toward casual relationships, and always with men. Steve knows he also had some brief dalliances during the war, discreet and never lasting, and since they settled back in New York he’s casually dated several people.

Steve at least believes it’s casual, and that Bucky never sets out for it to be serious, because if he did, he’d talk about it more with Steve. He never really does, and it’s not that he’s shy about it, he just gives the impression it’s not significant enough to warrant the effort, and Steve hasn’t pressed. Hence he doesn’t even know the names of everyone Bucky goes out with, just that he has dates. Sometimes the contrast between the two of them strikes Steve, him with his serious relationships but no pressing need for anything, and Bucky with the string of people he sees, one after another, apparently without ever seeking a deeper connection.

As far as Steve knows there’s only one relationship that has been significant for Bucky, and it was with a Wakandan named T’Shan, started after Shuri had cleared the Hydra conditioning from Bucky’s mind. Steve had welcomed it, because it was obvious that due to it Bucky was more comfortable in his skin and started to open up, got happier with life, all of which were things Steve appreciated. T’Shan had been wary about Steve at first, probably due to the obvious closeness between him and Bucky, but had warmed up soon enough. Steve doesn’t really know why Bucky and T’Shan called it quits, Bucky has only said the relationship ran its course and hadn’t seemed too bothered about it, and maybe relationships in general work like that for him. It’s not Steve’s personal experience, he tends to be hit hard when a serious relationship turns out to not work out, but everyone is different, and he’s of the opinion that whatever makes one happy and doesn’t hurt others is good, and it’s certainly not his place to judge. Funnily enough, these days he actually talks more often with T’Shan than Bucky does, because his job as the leader of the Avengers requires him to keep in touch with all kinds of political entities, and T’Shan serves as the Wakandan ambassador to the UN.

It’s a weird thing, maybe, to be happy about Bucky being with others when his love is obviously not going to die. Maybe it’s pathetic, to put himself to side without ever even attempting to see if they could work out. There just never was the right time, and now Steve feels like they’ve found their places with each other. They’re still best friends, still the most important people to each other, and it’s everything that matters. They live together, they share their work and their lives. They still, and always, love each other. Steve just has a corner in that love he’s never going to let out in the open.

He’s content with his life, he really is, and he wishes his friends would believe it.

***

He should have known his friends wouldn’t leave his reluctance toward dating alone. It’s not that they try to push him back to it, just that they try to understand, and it grates on Steve’s nerves, because it’s not a measured decision for him and hence difficult to explain. It’s just how he feels, that the effort required doesn’t seem worth it, and he’d rather spend the time with his friends. He understand they feel it’s tricky and maybe lonely for him when all his closest friends are in a relationship. Even Bucky’s seems to this time last a lot longer than they generally do, and Steve has begun to wonder if it’s actually something that’ll change their lives. After all, if one of them enters a serious relationship, at some point the living arrangements will come to question.

His friends keep prodding at him, he answers the best he can, evades sometimes when he’s tired, and properly explodes at Bucky one morning when he just wants to eat his waffles and not be poked about it. The result is that they’re both apologetic, and in the end Steve actually makes an effort after the breakfast to put his feelings into more coherent words.

“It’s, I don’t know, seems that people put a lot of emphasis on it somehow completing them, that being single is somehow not good. But I don’t want to be in a relationship just for the sake of it, I have all of my friends for companionship, and I’ve so far never craved physical intimacy unless it’s with someone I care about. So unless someone I really like comes along, I’m content and there’s no need for me to actively seek out a partner. It’s a good life.” Steve looks at Bucky, hoping he’ll understand, and after several seconds of assessing, Bucky slowly nods.

“I think I get it. And I do believe you, even though it’s not my personal experience.” Bucky shifts on the couch and comes to sit next to him, bumping their elbows together. “I really only asked because I’m worried you’re not happy, but you’re right. It is a good life.”

They pick a movie from their Netflix queue, and don’t talk about it anymore. Bucky doesn’t move away, and Steve allows himself to lean into Bucky, just enjoying the closeness. It’s how they’ve always been, physicality easy between them, and he’s glad they have it back after everything. He even manages to push the thread of uncertainty of it lasting in face of Bucky’s possible long term relationship out of his mind.

***

“I’m going,” Bucky says, standing at the doorway with a weekend bag in hand.

“Have a good weekend with Josh,” Steve says and smiles, immediately knowing it comes out more brittle than he wants it to. Bucky of course notices, and furrowing his brow he steps into the kitchen.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, nothing serious.” Steve waves his hand, dismissing the worry, and he’s able to muster a bit more convincing smile as the flash of happiness at Bucky’s constant care goes through him. “Just tired, it’s been a tough week.”

It has; the Avengers were deployed, and the aftermath always requires a lot of work, even when it’s a relatively short mission as this was. Steve is exhausted, and it works as an excuse, even when it’s not the reason for his momentary lapse.

“I’ll make sure he goes to sleep early,” Natasha says from her seat at the counter. She’s visiting by herself since Sam is away at a VA conference speaking about dealing with trauma.

“And here I was eagerly anticipating watching movies all night with you,” Steve says, and Bucky is apparently satisfied everything is fine, since he says his goodbyes and heads out.

When it’s just the two of them their conversation doesn’t immediately pick up. Instead Steve can feel Natasha’s eyes on him as he continues preparing the snacks, grateful to have something to do that gives him an excuse not to look at her. It’s obvious she’s figured something out, and since it’s just the two of them, it’s more than likely she’ll ask about it, which means Steve will have to decide whether he wants to answer. Recently he’s been thinking he might even be ready for it, allowing someone else to know about his feelings for Bucky. Whatever his decision is, he knows she will not press too much if he decides not to elaborate.

“This relationship seems to last for Bucky, and you even know the guy’s name,” she starts, and it’s true enough, because when the relationship didn’t peter out in a few weeks, Bucky started telling Steve about Josh.

It’s partly the reason Steve is struggling, that Bucky actually has talked about it. It gives Steve even more reasons to believe it’s more serious than most of Bucky’s relationships. There’s still no guarantee of it ultimately lasting, but somehow just the potential that Bucky has found someone who’ll stick with him is unexpectedly hitting Steve. He’d thought he’d come to terms with it, had thought he’d found a way to keep his feelings wrapped up in a way that allows them to exist but not get in the way. He’d taken as a proof the fact he hadn’t had any trouble with Bucky’s relationship with T’Shan, he’d just been happy about it. Maybe it’s just that the circumstances are different, but whatever the reason, his trouble is an unpleasant turn of events that has completely surprised Steve.

He doesn’t respond to Natasha’s musings, just finishes their snacks and takes them to the living room. She follows with the drinks, and waits until they’re both seated before speaking again. “I figured out something, and I think you noticed I did. If you don’t want me to talk about it, I won’t, for now anyway.”

Steve thinks on it, and finally motions for her to continue, because it might help to get another perspective on the matter, and maybe it really is time to stop hiding his feelings as completely as he so far has. There’ll be no harm, since he knows she’ll keep his secret if he so wants.

“It’s funny, because the relationship between the two of you actually isn’t that easy to decipher,” she starts and gestures for him to wait when he’s about to express skepticism. “I mean, the core of it is easy, everyone can tell the two of you are the most important people to each other, and how unshakable that is, but the real intricacies of it are trickier. So, from D.C. until the first half a year he spent in Wakanda, I was of the opinion that you loved him as more than a friend, but that you’d never discussed it. Then, when he got together with T’Shan, and later here you were so at ease with his relationships that I thought I’d been wrong, that your closeness had misled me. It’s not impossible, because the way your friendship presents is not common especially nowadays, so it’s easy to believe there’s something more to it.”

These kinds of talks always fascinate Steve, and he’s started to understand what Natasha meant years earlier when she said she only acts like she knew everything. She certainly knows and perceives a lot, but she’s not omniscient. Instead she’s very good at acting based on her knowledge and calculating appropriate risks, which makes it appear she knows a lot more than she actually does. Part of it is not revealing to people the way her mind works, and Steve knows how much trust it requires, how far they’ve come for her to talk with him like this, explaining her reasoning.

She looks at him squarely then, and adds, “But now I’m fairly sure I was right from the start.”

“You were,” Steve says, and the relief that floods through him with the words coming out surprises him. He’s never considered his love for Bucky a burden, and it’s not, but maybe hiding it has been, judging by the relief brought by admitting it out loud for the first time ever. “I’ve known it since I was sixteen.”

“And you’ve never talked about it with him,” Natasha says, and it’s not a question.

“No. It never seemed like it would go anywhere, and I didn’t want to tell him, not because he’d take it wrong, I just didn’t want him to carry it if he didn’t feel the same. Back before the war it was troublesome enough.”

She nods. “But what about now?”

The question throws Steve, because it contains the implication that Bucky might now reciprocate, it would be the only reason to change his decision. He hates it a little how his voice isn’t quite steady when he asks, “Do you think he might now feel the same?”

“He’s more opaque than you are, and like I said, the intricacies are tricky when the two of you love each other so fully in any case. That his relationships seem to always end and he sticks with you so closely could indicate toward it, but there’s no certainty.”

She’s more hesitant than usual, and Steve understands why, she doesn’t want to give him any false hope. The pattern of their lives of course is something Steve has noticed too, it’s a thought he has entertained at sleepless hours of the night, but the conclusion is the same as hers, there’s no certainty.

“I just don’t want to complicate things unless I’m really sure, and for now I’m definitely going to stay silent, it would be unfair while he’s in a relationship.”

“So what’s changed now? You’ve been able to handle his relationships with other people well, and even been with other people yourself, but now it’s clearly harder for you.”

“I don’t really know why, it just is like that. Maybe it’s the different circumstances.” Something occurs to him then, and he has to ask her, “Do you think it’s weird, that I’ve been able to be with other people in the meantime? I’ve always loved Bucky, it’s always been there, but when it comes to the serious relationships I’ve had, they weren’t conditional, weren’t me settling because I couldn’t have him. I really cared for all of them for themselves.”

Her smile is warm now, and she takes his hand. “No, it’s not weird. Love is not necessarily singular, and I believe when it worked you really were all in with them, even if the feelings for Bucky were at the back of your mind. It wasn’t unfair to the others because you loved them, and when you chose to commit, you held onto it. No need for you to worry.”

“I do worry about it sometimes, but I’ve always called it quits if it felt like what I had for Bucky was overwhelming what I felt for the other person. And lately, it’s been more common.”

“So it’s hard to even try, I get it.”

“I just don’t understand why it’s suddenly difficult to handle him being with other people. I mean, I’m still happy for him, same as I’ve always been. I’m glad he’s getting what he needs. It’s just getting trickier on my end, and I don’t want it to be a problem for us. I just fear it’s going to be.”

“You’re probably right,” she says. “It might be the proximity, the two of you living together might be feeding your feelings for him, so in time it has gotten harder for you to keep a lid on them. I think there will be a time when you’ll have to do something about it, whether it’s to talk with him, put it all on the table or something else.”

“I know,” Steve says. He has gradually come to the realization, and he’s finally admitting it to himself now.

“But not immediately, and if you need to talk about it, I’ll be up for it anytime.”

“Thanks, Nat.” They sit quietly for a while, the ease of being together a balm on Steve’s soul. He finally picks up the remote. “Let’s watch something funny.”

“I vote for a ridiculously unrealistic action movie,” she says, and they find one, and dig into the food.

***

Steve puts the tablet down and rubs at his eyes. He’s almost finished with the post-mission duties, exhaustion is heavy on his shoulders, and he hasn’t even showered or changed out of his uniform yet. It’s just unbearably hard to even think of leaving the room in the medical wing, because Bucky is still unconscious.

It’s not a very serious injury, Bucky is expected to be fully recovered in just a few days. They’d been deployed against a group of venomous alien insects, which apparently are a thing, and Bucky had taken a hit to spare Kate who’d been with him at the time, calculating that his enhanced metabolism would be able to combat the venom. He’d been right, it had affected him and ultimately knocked him out, but his healing factor is countering the effects and he isn’t even supervised that closely by the medical team anymore, they’re just waiting for him to wake up.

Steve isn’t naive, he knows the risks of their job, and they’ve long ago accepted that it’s impossible to be an Avenger and never be hurt at all. They train so as to make the risk as small as they can, but it can never be completely taken away. He’s been prepared for this eventuality, he knows there’s no danger this time, and yet Bucky’s state has hit him unexpectedly hard, making it difficult to believe it’ll be alright unless he can verify it by his own senses. Hence he’s still sitting by Bucky’s bed even though several people have suggested he should take a break.

Steve is very conscious of the recent change in how he views their lives together, even when he can’t really tell where it comes from. After they came to live at the Avengers compound they took a while to settle, but after that for a time things were stable, days following one another without surprises when it came to the two of them. Now he’s continuously questioning, re-evaluating. Recently it’s been harder to be comfortable in their friendship, he’s been uncertain of the permanence of their lives, and this is perhaps yet another symptom of the same. He should probably do something about it, because he thinks they’re at the verge of Bucky starting to notice, of it causing problems, and Steve doesn’t want that, he wants to solve it before it’s a complete mess.

Bucky twitches and shifts, making Steve focus on him, but he doesn’t wake up, just stills again and continues his slumber. Steve hopes he at least has good dreams. There’s a streak of grit at his forehead and an almost healed bruise on his right arm, but his face is smooth, and he looks like he’s in peace.

A faint knock on the door makes Steve look up, and he greets Natasha with a nod as she slips inside. She’s wearing comfortable clothes and shoes, and the only sign that she’s recently returned from a mission is her slightly bruised knuckles. She comes by the bed and pats Bucky’s hand before crossing her arms and turning to stare at Steve.

“You’re going to have to leave for a moment at least, you need to go to the command center to finalize the end of mission procedures. And while you’re up and about, you should definitely take a shower. And eat.”

Steve knows she’s right, he’s done everything he can on his tablet, and he can’t slake on his duty to follow the procedures that have been agreed on. Still, he’s never been good at letting people win just like that, so he says, “I already ate.” It’s not even a lie, he had a protein shake and a sandwich that Sam brought him earlier.

“Eat some more, we all know how your metabolism works,” she shoots back, and Steve shakes his head, deciding it’s probably better to give up, especially since he is a bit hungry.

She takes the chair he vacates, propping her feet against Bucky’s bed and pulling out her phone, no doubt intending to read. When Steve is at the door, she says, “You should talk to him about where the two of you are going.”

Steve knows she means his recent struggles, she knows all about them since he’s continued talking about them with her, and she is right, probably anyway. Steve just has to find a way to not make it hard or awkward for Bucky, which might prove difficult considering part of what Steve struggles with, even though he hates himself a little bit for it, comes from Bucky’s ongoing relationship.

It’s late already, and so the hallway is nearly empty, but to Steve’s surprise there’s a man sitting on a chair by the wall. He’s one of the engineers that work with the Avengers, Steve hasn’t talked to him much but remembers thinking his determination and slim form reminds him of himself before the war. He casts for a name inside his head, and when he remembers it also becomes clear why he’s there.

“Hi, Josh. You could have come inside, you know.” Steve is relieved it comes out steady, because it’s been a while since he’s seen any of Bucky’s boyfriends, and right now it’s difficult being confronted by this. Especially with the remembered association to himself, because he has no idea how to even begin unpacking it.

Josh gives him a wan smile, rising to his feet. “I wasn’t sure I’d be welcome.”

It confuses Steve, and he wants to protest, but only manages, “How come?”

“We broke up last weekend. He didn’t tell you?”

Steve shakes his head, thinking back. Bucky had seemed a bit subdued, but not sad in any way when he’d come home from having coffee with Josh, and they’d spent the rest of the day watching the most over the top explosions on Mythbusters. It had been a fun afternoon, and ever since then there hasn’t been anything to indicate a change in Bucky, so the news are completely unexpected.

“What happened?” Steve asks, but then shakes his head again. “No, wait, never mind. You don’t have to tell me.”

“It’s okay.” Josh shrugs, and he doesn’t seem too devastated about it. “It was amicable, we had a good time with each other, but it had run its course, so it was better to let go. I’m surprised he didn’t talk to you.” Josh looks at Steve as if he’s considering something, but Steve decides not to ask. If there is something underlying it’ll be better to just hear it from Bucky.

“Well, even if you’re not together anymore, I’m sure Bucky would be glad to know you visited. He’s still out of it, but Nat’s there.”

“It’s okay. I just,” Josh hunches his shoulders, forcing the words out, “I was worried, because it was so new what happened with us, that maybe he was distracted.”

With the suggestion Steve can see the guilt, and hastens to reassure him. “Oh, it wasn’t that, he chose to protect Kate, and was completely on top of the situation. And he’ll be perfectly fine in a couple of days.”

Josh nods, clearly with relief, and opts to head out of the medical wing, saying he’ll catch up with Bucky once he’s woken up. Steve promises to mention he visited, and when they part he tries to pull his thoughts together, having been dealt another curve ball. He’s also now fairly sure Natasha knew about the state of Bucky’s relationship, the timing of her suggestion was just perfect enough.

***

Steve takes care of his duties as the commander, pops in at their apartment for a shower, makes a few sandwiches, eats them with a large mug of coffee, and heads back to the medical wing. Natasha is still reading, and Bucky hasn’t woken up.

“This doesn’t surprise me at all,” she says when he enters the room, but gets up and stretches, yawning wide. “I’ll go get some sleep then, if there’s some kind of additional crisis tomorrow one of us should be sharp.”

She hugs him before heading out again, and Steve sits down and considers taking a leaf from her book and start reading, but he’s tired, and ends up just sitting there, looking at Bucky without even really thinking of anything specific. The night passes slowly, every once in a while a nurse pops in to check the monitors, and the doctor visits once, but otherwise it’s quiet.

Bucky finally wakes up just after the dawn, and while the doctor is talking to him and making sure everything is alright, Steve goes to find breakfast for the both of them, bringing in hefty portions of toast, yogurt, fruit, and coffee. Bucky is perfectly fine, and they’ll release him later in the morning.

He does look tired, and clearly feels so too, because after the meal he flops down against the pillows and rubs at his eyes before looking at Steve. “Did you sleep at all?”

“I think I catnapped between three and four in the morning,” Steve says, knowing there’s no point trying to hide it.

“Yeah, that doesn’t count. You should have, you have massive shadows under your eyes. Probably accumulating from how hard you’ve worked. You should take a break, actually.”

Steve is surprised by the direction of the discussion, but goes with it, just happy to be chatting with Bucky. “I have days off all the time, you know that.”

“I meant a proper vacation, have you ever had one of those? I’m sure the Avengers could do without you for a few of weeks.”

“Yeah, pot, kettle. Not like you’ve ever had a vacation,” Steve points out, and holds up a hand when Bucky gets a glint in his eye. “If you’re about to say Bucharest I’ll punch you, even though you’re technically convalescing.”

Bucky laughs at it, genuinely happy. “Glad to see you can joke about it these days, clearly I’m rubbing off on you. But I think Wakanda counts.”

“Nope, you had a farm. Everyone knows there are no vacations when you’re a farmer, there’s always something to do,” Steve says, feeling light with the easy banter.

“Yeah, okay, I’ll give.” Bucky pauses, just looking at Steve for a second, and it feels like he can see all the way into his soul. “I’ll take a vacation if you’ll have one too.”

It’s obvious he means together, and Steve draws in a very measured breath, because it feels like a shift, a door opening toward a new direction.

“Guess I’ll have to arrange it, if your doing so hinges on me.”

Bucky smiles wide enough his eyes crinkle with it, and Steve is sure his expression is just as delighted.

***

The vacation time is easily arranged for both of them, and Bucky spends the couple of days after his release from the medical wing making plans and searching for a suitable location for them. He has ample time, being forbidden from taking up any taxing exercise until the lingering fatigue from the poisoning is completely gone. Steve mentioned to him Josh asked about him, and knows they talked afterward, but Bucky hasn’t brought it up since. Not that it’s strange, Bucky as a rule hasn’t talked about his relationships since they came back to America, and since Steve knows they broke up, he probably thinks there’s no need for anything else.

It takes a couple of weeks for everything to be arranged, but they finally get away. Bucky chose a cabin by a lake that according to him is remote just in the right way, meaning there are no people nearby, but there is an Internet connection and a small town only half an hour away for them to get groceries. They are offered a ride on a quinjet, but decide going by a car is the right choice, a way to separate themselves from the job. They pack up everything they need, take turns driving, and stop at a charming motel for a night two thirds of the way there.

They stock up at the last bigger town on the way there, making sure they have enough for three weeks excluding perishables, which they mean to replenish at the nearest small town. They arrive at the cabin at mid-afternoon, the sun shining from the bright blue sky and the lake glittering among the trees. Steve gets out of the car and stretches his arms above his head, feeling much lighter already. The vacation is a great idea, not that he’ll actually admit it aloud to Bucky. Judging by the grin on his face, he probably knows it regardless.

The first evening is spent getting settled; they do some exploring, take a refreshing swim in the lake, and cook a meal together. They eat out on the deck looking across the lake, and talk about anything but work until midnight.

There are three bedrooms, but they end up together in the big bed in the largest one. They don’t talk about it, it just happens, because it’s not unusual at all for them. They used to often share a bed back before the war, sometimes due to the cold of the winter, sometimes because they only had space for one. They slept next to each other a lot on the field during the war, and once they returned to America and started living together again the habit returned. They have their own bedrooms, but sometimes it’s just easier to not be alone, and it’s never been something they’d needed to think twice. Steve thinks it’s probably codependent of them, and would cause raised eyebrows if he were to mention it, which is why he never has. It has so far worked for them, they both get help with their nightmares, so there’s no reason rocking the boat. He’s been grateful it has remained easy even recently when he’s been struggling over their relationship in general.

It’s easy at the cabin as well, they settle facing each other, knees almost touching, and they speak in low voices until their eyes fall closed and sleep claims them.

***

They fill the first days with relaxation and light activity; sleeping full nights, taking naps, eating wherever they’re hungry, swimming in the lake, reading, watching movies, taking walks in the nearby forest, and just generally unwinding. Bucky does yoga every day on the pier, and Steve has a whole host of quick studies of him in all kinds of poses filling his sketchbook. No one calls them, the only reason they carry phones anywhere is to take photos, and it really feels like they’re in a bubble away from their normal lives, all worries and responsibilities left behind. Steve has also left behind the concerns over their relationship, it’s so easy now with Bucky that he’s resolved to just enjoy it.

A week after they arrived Steve wakes up in the morning on his side turned toward Bucky, who’s already awake, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling, apparently deep in thought. Steve doesn’t move, he’s perfectly content for now to lie there looking at Bucky, noting the deep concentration hinted by his brow, the soft sweep of his eyelashes as he slowly blinks, the long exhalation and a dart of his tongue to wet his lips. When he speaks, Steve expects it to be something momentous, but he’s still completely taken by a surprise.

“I didn’t remember loving you until I started living with you again.” Bucky’s tone is light, conversational, but his nerves are exposed by the way his stare is fixed to the ceiling, him never turning to look at Steve.

Steve is gaping, he’s not sure if he isn’t after all still asleep, because he never would have expected Bucky feeling something more than friendship for him, so much so that he’d use the word love, and apparently it has been a long standing condition. He’s even stopped breathing as he stares at Bucky who keeps looking at the ceiling, his mouth twitching when Steve finally draws a breath, wheezing like it hasn’t in decades.

When Bucky continues, his voice is not so light anymore, but raw and emotional. “I always knew you were the most important person to me, but somehow the way I used to feel for you back during the war and before it got buried so deep it took a while to re-emerge. Back in Wakanda I was glad to have you as my friend, and I guess it started there, but really it was when we started living together again, when we were together most of the time that I fell in love with you, again.” Bucky turns his head now, his eyes blue-gray and luminous in the morning light, shining with emotion. “It’s funny how it went, I fell in love with you again, only to remember afterward that I already loved you before. It seemed inevitable, like it never went away fully, only hid until the right time.”

When Bucky falls silent Steve knows he needs to say something, and there are a million questions in his head, but he immediately knows none of them are relevant. There’ll be time for them to rehash the details, all that matters now is very simple.

“I love you too,” Steve says, and the words are easier to say than he ever imagined. “Always have.”

Bucky’s face breaks into a grin. “Yeah?”

“Yes.”

Steve reaches for Bucky then, and they come together so easily, him rolling on his back and Bucky leaning over him. Kissing each other is familiar even when they’ve never done it before. It’s like a dam breaking, when they’ve got their hands on each other they need to touch everything, need skin on skin, need to immediately explore the new possibilities between them.

Steve has known for years they fit together; even though there have been periods when they’ve had to relearn each other there never was a doubt over whether they could. They were in sync when they were children, racing down the streets in their neighborhood, Bucky always understanding how much Steve could push and when a break was needed. They were in sync during the war, barely needing words to communicate, having each other’s backs through thick and thin. They’ve been in sync as Avengers and as friends, supporting one another through good and bad, sharing happiness and burdens. Hence it’s no surprise to him now that he understands Bucky’s body even in this, knows how to touch him to bring him pleasure, and that Bucky knows exactly the same.

He ends up half on top of Bucky, overheated and sweaty but not caring a bit in his post-coital bliss, because Bucky’s heart is beating under his ear, fast at first and then returning to its steady pace. Steve much prefers hearing the rhythm like this rather than on hospital monitors.

***

All in all that day is much like all the other days they’ve spent at the cabin. They cook together, go for a swim, and sit curled up in the deck chairs. What’s new is the topic of discussion, they remap their experiences from before, letting each other know how their love progressed. In general, they’re remarkably similar stories.

They fell in love around the same time, in their late teens, both just realizing the feeling was already there, never knowing when exactly it had been born. They’d gone out with other people, and whenever it was serious, it wasn’t conditional of their love for each other, it was always worthy on its own. They sometimes had fleeting trouble when the other was with someone else, but for majority of the time they were just happy for each other.

Bucky also mentions that recently he tended to make it clear to the other people it could only be casual, that his feelings were for someone he couldn’t be with, and it apparently had made a lot of things easier. It also explains to Steve some of the things Josh said when they met that hadn’t made much sense to him then.

Now that they compare experiences, it dawns onto them there never before was a time when they were available to each other at the same time, because they always tried to live their own lives as well, never knowing they could be more than best friends.

Bucky laughs about it as night is already falling. “You’d think it would be dramatic, a tragedy to have loved each other for decades without realizing, and instead we just took it in stride.”

Steve smiles at him, the way he seems to be unable to stop. “Probably, but it doesn’t seem so strange, it’s just us. I was always happy you were happy, and now we’re here, and can be happy together.”

“Lucky us,” Bucky says, and it’s genuine, he believes it, and so Steve can too, can get above everything horrible in between, and just focus on the now.

“Did you guess, before we came here?” Steve asks, because now that he thinks of it, the shift in their behavior toward each other feels more significant than a change of scenery warranted.

“A little bit. I mean, I had an inkling, and then Natasha said a few days before we left that I should rethink some of the things in my life.” Bucky shrugs at Steve’s raised eyebrow. “Guess she got bored with waiting for us to figure it out. But she didn’t say anything else to me, so I think it barely qualifies as meddling.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t give her any credit getting us here. Only for being a good friend.”

“I suppose you talked to her?” At Steve’s nod Bucky says, “I may have had a few fairly embarrassing phone calls with Shuri.”

Steve reaches out for Bucky’s hand, because somehow they’re not touching and the state of things needs to be remedied. “Whatever happened, were here now, and I’m happy.”

“I’m too.” Bucky squeezes his hand, and not so surprisingly they end up tumbling together off the chairs onto the deck, kissing frantically again.

It’s been a wonderful day, maybe even Steve’s favorite ever. They have two more weeks at the cabin before their return to home, and he means to enjoy every minute. He’s not worried over what will happen when they get back either, because they go together, just as they always have, and their newly confessed love for each other will only strengthen it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed the progression of their relationship and the resolution.
> 
> I’m also on [tumblr](http://stellahibernis.tumblr.com/).


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